Here i am, thinking about the first time we met..am i too lonely or still in love? Call it confusion or denial but the truth is i miss you but i do not want you back. Since you left me emotionally and i left you physically, its been hard. Always thinking about the future that could have been, the past that was and the present without you. I know you think life has been good on my part but do not let the gram fool you. I sound cold every time you reach out but you have no idea how happy i get even from a ‘hey’…so pathetic aren’t I? My heart always falls for it but the thought of you being my past brings me back to reality. No matter how much we can try to talk, what was will never be! So at times i just comfort myself with memories you left for me and it does make me smile and cry at the same time. I have learned to live with this and it will get easier with time. As much as i miss you, I do not want you back. I just miss the good times you gave me and even the struggles. Even if we move on, it is still going to be our yesterday and story.
Do you guys ever have someone you miss but do not want back in your lives? Thank you for reading xx
‘ mental suffering or distress’
When all that is left after a disappointment of a relationship is Pain. You wonder whether crying at night or pretending to be happy will help you feel better. Always being bitter that you can’t be bothered to go through that process of knowing someone again. Even when you try to be positive but it can never be possible with a negative mind that has marked every guy to be a monster just out to hurt you with lies. If you ever love again, would it be different or will just be deja vu all over again. Even when you try to guard your heart, it seems like there is a manual that every guy you fall in love with reads that they end up hurting you the same way. The trauma of being lied to, ignored, being left out, cheated on etc leaves so many emotions that could possibly kill you.
“Scientific studies have shown that anger could increase your risk of cardiovascular problems and even cause heart attacks. This is because a sudden burst of anger leads to an over-the-top surge of chemicals throughout your body, like adrenaline and noradrenaline. Also, when your are angry your brain’s amygdale overact and causes the blood to rush to the frontal lobe, which is the area in charge of reasoning. This is the reason why anger can be blinding and makes you want to react violently.”
“Surprisingly, loneliness may be just as harmful as a sudden outburst of anger. As it tends to be long-tern condition, a lot like depression, it could even be a risk factor of early death, according to experts. Loneliness increases the levels of stress hormones like cortisol, which affects sleep quality. It can also give rise to your blood pressure levels. ”
“Shock or trauma of any kind can have lasting consequences on both your mind and body. In fact, psychological trauma can even cause changes in the structure of our brain, especially in the area where the frontal cortex. Emotional brains and survival brain converge.”
In life, there is only so much pain that one can take. Imagine losing your life and leaving that person behind, enjoying their life with another girl whom they are probably lying to worse if they are actually sincerely in love. I wonder how one can become numb to pain? Should I try to avoid boys in general or just be petty and hurt others like how i got hurt?
How do you guys deal with this kind of Pain? let me know xx Thank you for reading
When your heart leaves you in a breakdown state and only your brain can fix it but because you don’t want to make decisions that may hurt you more even if you were to leave or stay you will still feel the pain so you just shutdown and freeze your emotions or thinking…that way you will be able to survive each day
Thank you for reading xx
The future has no guarantee but the happiness of today is certain. We have choices for the benefits of our lives but at times they seem like drawbacks however without them life would be so dull. Life is a rollercoaster got to have that up and down experience till you reach the final destination….
What is broken is broken, can never be repaired or mended again. If you break a plate and repair it, there will always be a crack to show. If you break a heart, there will always be mixed emotions that will show for it.
I always believed tit for a tat was childish but now I do understand that it is a fair game. Sometimes words don’t get to someone but actions do. I have always been a person that talks my mind and less action but I decided to try out using actions more than words. Just like a picture can hurt you more than a thousand words. I decided to use a picture also and there was silence so I guess it worked and it hurts me to have to do this kind of payback just to get my point across. It is quite satisfying as well.
I would like to say thank you to everyone that has been reading my posts. Now I do realise I have been missing in action and I do apologise. I promise it will change just that at times life just gets in the way and you lose your motivation to write anything. Since I haven’t been to church my spirit has been down lately but today am going church and miraculously the motivation is kinda back. Once again keep reading and commenting…Thank you my lovelies x