Confessions of a Virgin Girl

Confessions of a Virgin Girl

First of all…it’s been hard 🙈

As an African girl, growing up being told that keeping yourself to yourself is the pride of a ‘well-trained’ woman. With that said, so many of my friends got pregnant after losing their virginity of which it’s considered an ’embarrassment or disgrace’. The struggles they went through after being rejected, condemned and losing their peace of mind helped me to maintain my mentality to stay in tact. Throughout my teenage years, of course I would feel the pressure and the temptation was too much at times. When you see people being open about losing their virginity and still living normal lives of course I thought to myself ‘just do it and you will be fine’🤔 But the resolution was quite strong that I never put myself in a position to lose my virginity.

When I eventually settled in another country, my eyes got more opened to more STDS that I never knew existed. In Africa, most common was AIDS obviously but upon reaching here found out that chlamydia is very much at large and can cause serious complications. So I had two things to keep my legs closed more than ever which were ‘teenage pregnancy and STDS’.

However, upon reaching my 20s I looked back at my relationships even though I had good memories, one factor that made them not to work was due to my inability to ‘open these legs’ 😂. Of course I really want to be loved unconditionally but that is just my wishful thinking 💭. Why can’t someone just wait till the right time for me?? That’s the question I have been asking myself and till now have not found the answer….

Watch out for Part 2👌🏽

Thank you for reading my lovelies xx

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Promises are made to be broken they say but I know they are meant to be kept. Just as I promised to love you yesterday, today and tomorrow, may God give me the strength to keep my word. Just as obstacles may shake me, I pray that I will be able to overcome so that I can keep my word. Just as you may piss me off or vice versa I hope that I will keep my word. Just as insecurities might kick in and we start to wither I trust that I will be able to keep my word. Just incase I do forget, help me remember to keep my word….x

Since we already knew distance was a huge obstacle that ruined everything, we never attempted to start a relationship again. However, whenever we talked it felt like we were in a relationship and I tried so hard to not go to that place I was before. I went back to zimbabwe for holiday, it was a surprise and I guess he was surprised. The first time I saw him I fell in love again just like the first time in primary school when he was just a crush. I refused to hug him cause I was afraid I wouldn’t let him go. We talked on the phone mostly about the past, it was sad to reminisce over it. Eventually we went on an outing (it was a date in my mind lol). We went cinema then walked around a lot in town and I didn’t want to go home. I just felt so at peace being with him that I never thought of anything else but that moment was everything to me. (Am in getting watery just thinking about it) Back to the matter, the last day of my holiday he stayed with me all afternoon getting my hair done and we just talked like there was no tomorrow.  It was finally time to say goodbye to him and I cried (thank God it was in the dark lol). We hugged for what seemed like a compensation for the years we were not going to see each other again. We made a future pact that we would countdown 4 years then we get back together. Now we got 3more years to go. I guess LOVE is making up for what DISTANCE tried to destroy time and time again…

We had a messy breakup. We called each other names under the sun, unfriended his ass on Facebook but the funny thing is we never stopped loving each other. A whole year passed without talking, it was as if we had become enemies. His birthday comes before mine seeing that I never missed his birthday I inboxed ‘happy birthday! ‘ to him. Surprisingly he even replied with a ‘thank you’. Then came my birthday, the whole day he never said anything to say I was not hurt would be a lie cause I expected at least he would remember my birthday. Just as my day was about to end, I received this ‘happy birthday Kay, miss you’. I cried cause I really missed this guy so much. I checked up on him from afar through reliable sources just to know how he was (not stalking btw lol) even though he had moved on and dated a few times (became a player basically). After a month we started talking again and the chemistry never died not even distance could destroy that…

I was in a situation were love was in full bliss but distance became so much of an obstacle that so much bullshit started to erupt slowly but surely. A guy I loved was in boarding school thats like 3months of no communication. I never doubted him because he was in a boys school till when he came back for that 1 month holiday my insecurities started. Just casually talking he mentioned that boys from his school would attend some kind of church or shopping with girls from another school. I would like to admit yes he is a handsome guy (girls please now don’t start fantasizing lol). I still tried my best to trust him but knowing a guy would always get tempted, I used to ask myself ‘does he resist that temptation?’ Till now I will never know but my brain always told me he was messing around. After insecurities, slowly my trust began to deteriorate because I moved to UK while he was still in Zimbabwe like we went a whole year without seeing each other of course we argued a lot, would go for like a month without talking to each other. After 1year and 6 months of dating we finally called it quits.

RELATIONSHIPS!!!

Its very easy to start a relationship these days. Since people have started to think Infatuation is Love. I LOVE YOU used to be so sacred but nowadays its just another 3 words which a player can simply tell 3 different girls the same. Many relationships don’t last cause its all pre mature as people get in a relationship for different yet wrong reasons looks, money and sex never the personality. If only teenagers took time to get to know each other’s strengthsand weaknesses then relationships would last. I can’t speak for everybody cause people are unique but in relationships they tend to have the same mentality. Its always hard to have that stable relationships without unwanted ‘trespassers’ all over your business. They will provoke relationships and if you not strong enough u will fall for it. There is pain,sorrow, anger,jealousy,happiness, comfort and most of all real Love and all that can be experienced in a real relationship. It is easy to parade your relationship to the world but it will only break you and its hard to ignore it. No matter how old you are (at least 16 lol) just put God first in every relationship you get into cause he knows best and will keep the Love intact. Always mind your bf/gf ‘ s business and also keep your business to yourselves. Don’t expect too much you will just end up disappointed so just let nature take its course and let Love grow….x

thank you for reading my lovelies(comment if you can)

TEMPTATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

In relationships, there is always that time when everyone gets tempted. Its wise to fight temptation cause if you don’t it will just make you a liar and when you get caught by your gf/bf you will shatter the trust and Love they had in you cause you couldn’t resist Cheating. Communication is very important, if you don’t talk about stuff bothering you or talk regularly your bf/gf is bound to have that idea that you nolonger interested cause of you keeping things inside and being distant which will lead to problems like cheating and eventually cause breakups. Being obsessive is just a no-no, it just puts someone off cause if you become obsessive/ clingy you will get jealous over stupid things which will probably make you to become into your bf/gf ‘s business, trying to remove people that were there before you of course that is just a piss take especially when you try to run over someone’s life which will eventually cause lack of trust and lead to breakup. No one is perfect but saying sorry for the same mistakes is just ridiculous, a person can forgive up to a certain point not all the time. Breakups are hard especially to clingy people they will cry and call their ex’s names under the sun but they will still love them. its very sad to see a teen cry over someone who didn’t appreciate them and they know it. Many teens suffer from depression but no one realises from over thinking and issues that come in a relationship. Its best if teens mostly girls who love too much just take a break from dating after a relationship then move on. Moving on is not easy but u just have to do it at some point the earlier the better for u but take your time. Not every relationship has a happy ending so be ready to have good and bad times but try and stay strong…