First of all…it’s been hard 🙈
As an African girl, growing up being told that keeping yourself to yourself is the pride of a ‘well-trained’ woman. With that said, so many of my friends got pregnant after losing their virginity of which it’s considered an ’embarrassment or disgrace’. The struggles they went through after being rejected, condemned and losing their peace of mind helped me to maintain my mentality to stay in tact. Throughout my teenage years, of course I would feel the pressure and the temptation was too much at times. When you see people being open about losing their virginity and still living normal lives of course I thought to myself ‘just do it and you will be fine’🤔 But the resolution was quite strong that I never put myself in a position to lose my virginity.
When I eventually settled in another country, my eyes got more opened to more STDS that I never knew existed. In Africa, most common was AIDS obviously but upon reaching here found out that chlamydia is very much at large and can cause serious complications. So I had two things to keep my legs closed more than ever which were ‘teenage pregnancy and STDS’.
However, upon reaching my 20s I looked back at my relationships even though I had good memories, one factor that made them not to work was due to my inability to ‘open these legs’ 😂. Of course I really want to be loved unconditionally but that is just my wishful thinking 💭. Why can’t someone just wait till the right time for me?? That’s the question I have been asking myself and till now have not found the answer….
Watch out for Part 2👌🏽
Thank you for reading my lovelies xx
I have tried my best to be the person you want me to be. I have tried to understand things from your point of view instead. I know it will take time to make things right but am not sure if you want to make it right?
Nobody in this life is perfect, all bound to make mistakes in life however it depends on an individual’ s conscience to either make things right or just keep it moving. If we choose to make things right then it should be of our own free will and not act like its being forced. It is unbearable for only one person to put all the effort in making things right while the other seem half willing. The frustration of putting effort, time and energy in rebuilding a relationship or friendship that seems to be going nowhere can be quite unbearable. Despite thinking of the time spent and memories shared, the reconciliation can never hold if only one person is going all the way in while the other is holding back. Comparing other people in your life to that of one that did you wrong will never comfort you because once upon a time, season; they too shall disappoint you. Even if someone does you wrong today, how are you sure that you would not do something wrong to someone else? If that time ever comes how would you want them to treat you if you do try to make things right? Imagine they treat you the same as you are doing now, how would you feel? Karma is a Bitch they say.
Do not get me wrong of course if someone you trusted and loved does you wrong, it hurts. However, if that person tells you that they want to make things right before you answer yes; think carefully. If you do not want them in your life then let them go at least that is honest enough. If you do decide to make things right, then you equally share the same responsibility of reconciliation. Let us not make empty promises or say empty words all in the name of ‘being nice’. Mean what you say before you end up hurting that very person which will lead to more misunderstandings. A forgiving heart is one that truly sees beyond a person’s mistakes instead sees their heart that is willing to love again.
Thank you for reading lovelies xx
Here i am, thinking about the first time we met..am i too lonely or still in love? Call it confusion or denial but the truth is i miss you but i do not want you back. Since you left me emotionally and i left you physically, its been hard. Always thinking about the future that could have been, the past that was and the present without you. I know you think life has been good on my part but do not let the gram fool you. I sound cold every time you reach out but you have no idea how happy i get even from a ‘hey’…so pathetic aren’t I? My heart always falls for it but the thought of you being my past brings me back to reality. No matter how much we can try to talk, what was will never be! So at times i just comfort myself with memories you left for me and it does make me smile and cry at the same time. I have learned to live with this and it will get easier with time. As much as i miss you, I do not want you back. I just miss the good times you gave me and even the struggles. Even if we move on, it is still going to be our yesterday and story.
Do you guys ever have someone you miss but do not want back in your lives? Thank you for reading xx
At first it was a mistake. The guilt that tortured my soul and crushed my entire being. I managed to survive but I still longed for you. You that I labelled as a mistake of my life. I might have been delusional to reach out to you. My morals ended up losing to pleasure. It was good not going to lie and I wanted more of you each day. But one day, reality slapped me out of my fantasy to a bitter truth. We are simply not compatible!
The most scary thing that can happen in a friendship is when your friend falls in love or gets in a relationship. Almost everything changes from the convo to their attitude/behaviour. Truly love can be cloudy and blind at times. Am sure most of you will agree with me that it’s hard to deal with a friend in a relationship. It is something that is inevitable that we have to face whether we like it or not. It is even worse when you don’t get along with the boyfriend or girlfriend. The mention of their name irritates you to the maximum and your friend will make it the main topic of the whole conversation. When you do complain that they should keep their relationship details to themselves at times, they start thinking you either being jealous or just bitter. When this occurs, you start distancing yourself from your friend. It’s ridiculous I know but staying away could do some good and be beneficial for the both of you. It might look like selfishness or evil but all you just want is for your friend to just be the same person you befriended before they got in a relationship. Most people tend to change when they get in a relationship and end up blaming their ‘single’ friends instead. Life is already full of complex people so the least You expect is for a friend that you have loved and cherished to do a 360 degrees turn on you. You are my friend so stay that way!!!
How do y’all deal with friends that act or behave like this after falling in love??? Thank you for reading xx
It’s been many years but it always feels like yesterday. People tend to say time heals all wounds but am thinking like did they mean to say that it takes a whole lifetime. It hurts today just as it did yesterday and it has been 10years already.
Reminisce: Even if am no longer there or we part, am grateful to God to have loved you in this lifetime.
The last words, that have been buried deep in my heart. To think he was grateful to have loved me not even to have been loved. I wonder if reincarnation is ever possible in this life so I can meet him again. We were young but I feel my soulmate came and left me already. Day by day, I pray to forget you but it seems you already talked to God first before I did. However I will keep living and forgive me in advance and close your eyes if my wedding day ever comes to a pass 🙈.
It’s still hard to live without you. I know love will never be beautiful as it was when I was with you. I am still waiting for a day that I will get over my sadness and stop drowning in my tears. Missing you is an understatement.
I hope you keep resting in peace T and know that I am always grateful to God to have loved you in this lifetime.
Thank you for reading xx
‘ mental suffering or distress’
When all that is left after a disappointment of a relationship is Pain. You wonder whether crying at night or pretending to be happy will help you feel better. Always being bitter that you can’t be bothered to go through that process of knowing someone again. Even when you try to be positive but it can never be possible with a negative mind that has marked every guy to be a monster just out to hurt you with lies. If you ever love again, would it be different or will just be deja vu all over again. Even when you try to guard your heart, it seems like there is a manual that every guy you fall in love with reads that they end up hurting you the same way. The trauma of being lied to, ignored, being left out, cheated on etc leaves so many emotions that could possibly kill you.
“Scientific studies have shown that anger could increase your risk of cardiovascular problems and even cause heart attacks. This is because a sudden burst of anger leads to an over-the-top surge of chemicals throughout your body, like adrenaline and noradrenaline. Also, when your are angry your brain’s amygdale overact and causes the blood to rush to the frontal lobe, which is the area in charge of reasoning. This is the reason why anger can be blinding and makes you want to react violently.”
“Surprisingly, loneliness may be just as harmful as a sudden outburst of anger. As it tends to be long-tern condition, a lot like depression, it could even be a risk factor of early death, according to experts. Loneliness increases the levels of stress hormones like cortisol, which affects sleep quality. It can also give rise to your blood pressure levels. ”
“Shock or trauma of any kind can have lasting consequences on both your mind and body. In fact, psychological trauma can even cause changes in the structure of our brain, especially in the area where the frontal cortex. Emotional brains and survival brain converge.”
In life, there is only so much pain that one can take. Imagine losing your life and leaving that person behind, enjoying their life with another girl whom they are probably lying to worse if they are actually sincerely in love. I wonder how one can become numb to pain? Should I try to avoid boys in general or just be petty and hurt others like how i got hurt?
How do you guys deal with this kind of Pain? let me know xx Thank you for reading