Another failed relationship 🚶🏽♀️At this point I am exhausted mentally and emotionally. Should I compromise myself and maybe I can be in a long term relationship?? It has got to a point of psychological torture that has been stressful. Most of my friends are in relationships and do not get me wrong, am happy for them truly! However, seeing them has made me question myself if holding on to my ‘virginity’ that important?? Looking at how people date nowadays it’s always ‘sex’ first then relationship comes after…
Maybe I had reached a desperation point but if a guy approached with intentions of a relationship, was suddenly engrossed with high expectations of that person being the one to accept me wholeheartedly. It was that question so tell me about yourself of which always responded ‘do not be freaked out but honestly am not going to sleep with you so if you can’t deal with that then we will just forget this talk’…. The usual response was always ‘I will wait till you are ready or will take it slow.’ Of course, your girl was getting bare happy that finally I have met someone that understands but the usual pattern started happening all over again:
The calls reduce, the texts become much more less and always come back late. They claim to be very busy. They could go for days without texting or calling. Here and there would pop up claiming to check up on you. Conversation gets awkward🤔
So to protect myself from overreacting or being too emotional, I am always on the lookout of these. As soon as they start, the best way I deal with it is to just Block, Delete and keep it moving. You could ask would it not hurt you? It stings like a bee but in order for my peace of mind to stay intact that’s the best way I can deal with it….
Part 3 will come along as your girl experience…
Thank you for reading lovelies xx
First of all…it’s been hard 🙈
As an African girl, growing up being told that keeping yourself to yourself is the pride of a ‘well-trained’ woman. With that said, so many of my friends got pregnant after losing their virginity of which it’s considered an ’embarrassment or disgrace’. The struggles they went through after being rejected, condemned and losing their peace of mind helped me to maintain my mentality to stay in tact. Throughout my teenage years, of course I would feel the pressure and the temptation was too much at times. When you see people being open about losing their virginity and still living normal lives of course I thought to myself ‘just do it and you will be fine’🤔 But the resolution was quite strong that I never put myself in a position to lose my virginity.
When I eventually settled in another country, my eyes got more opened to more STDS that I never knew existed. In Africa, most common was AIDS obviously but upon reaching here found out that chlamydia is very much at large and can cause serious complications. So I had two things to keep my legs closed more than ever which were ‘teenage pregnancy and STDS’.
However, upon reaching my 20s I looked back at my relationships even though I had good memories, one factor that made them not to work was due to my inability to ‘open these legs’ 😂. Of course I really want to be loved unconditionally but that is just my wishful thinking 💭. Why can’t someone just wait till the right time for me?? That’s the question I have been asking myself and till now have not found the answer….
Watch out for Part 2👌🏽
Thank you for reading my lovelies xx
Life is too short to hold grudges & keep regrets.
You gotta love back the ones who love you, and don’t
let the people who don’t ,hold you back from [(anything)]
You gotta live your life, and forget about the past. Live for
the future. There will be changes, and you just have to go
with the flow. Remember that, and you’ll be fine. Life wont
be easy, its like a climbing a mountain. It will be hard, but
the view will be worth it in the end. Remember that
I have tried my best to be the person you want me to be. I have tried to understand things from your point of view instead. I know it will take time to make things right but am not sure if you want to make it right?
Nobody in this life is perfect, all bound to make mistakes in life however it depends on an individual’ s conscience to either make things right or just keep it moving. If we choose to make things right then it should be of our own free will and not act like its being forced. It is unbearable for only one person to put all the effort in making things right while the other seem half willing. The frustration of putting effort, time and energy in rebuilding a relationship or friendship that seems to be going nowhere can be quite unbearable. Despite thinking of the time spent and memories shared, the reconciliation can never hold if only one person is going all the way in while the other is holding back. Comparing other people in your life to that of one that did you wrong will never comfort you because once upon a time, season; they too shall disappoint you. Even if someone does you wrong today, how are you sure that you would not do something wrong to someone else? If that time ever comes how would you want them to treat you if you do try to make things right? Imagine they treat you the same as you are doing now, how would you feel? Karma is a Bitch they say.
Do not get me wrong of course if someone you trusted and loved does you wrong, it hurts. However, if that person tells you that they want to make things right before you answer yes; think carefully. If you do not want them in your life then let them go at least that is honest enough. If you do decide to make things right, then you equally share the same responsibility of reconciliation. Let us not make empty promises or say empty words all in the name of ‘being nice’. Mean what you say before you end up hurting that very person which will lead to more misunderstandings. A forgiving heart is one that truly sees beyond a person’s mistakes instead sees their heart that is willing to love again.
Thank you for reading lovelies xx
At first it was a mistake. The guilt that tortured my soul and crushed my entire being. I managed to survive but I still longed for you. You that I labelled as a mistake of my life. I might have been delusional to reach out to you. My morals ended up losing to pleasure. It was good not going to lie and I wanted more of you each day. But one day, reality slapped me out of my fantasy to a bitter truth. We are simply not compatible!
Once upon doong doong…the sound my heart made upon my first glance of you. It was never my intention to fall for you but it was already too late as I could not stop myself from falling. Your smile, your sparkling eyes oh my chwest…that unforgettable moment you crossed my path is one I wish to never forget in this lifetime. I have already loved you for the both of us. Now I just wait to see you even in my dreams that will be enough for me. Meeting you once was like a dream but if fate decides to make us meet again then this time I will not hesitate. Once upon my love that started from a five minute glance to be cherished for a lifetime.
It’s been many years but it always feels like yesterday. People tend to say time heals all wounds but am thinking like did they mean to say that it takes a whole lifetime. It hurts today just as it did yesterday and it has been 10years already.
Reminisce: Even if am no longer there or we part, am grateful to God to have loved you in this lifetime.
The last words, that have been buried deep in my heart. To think he was grateful to have loved me not even to have been loved. I wonder if reincarnation is ever possible in this life so I can meet him again. We were young but I feel my soulmate came and left me already. Day by day, I pray to forget you but it seems you already talked to God first before I did. However I will keep living and forgive me in advance and close your eyes if my wedding day ever comes to a pass 🙈.
It’s still hard to live without you. I know love will never be beautiful as it was when I was with you. I am still waiting for a day that I will get over my sadness and stop drowning in my tears. Missing you is an understatement.
I hope you keep resting in peace T and know that I am always grateful to God to have loved you in this lifetime.
Thank you for reading xx