Another failed relationship 🚶🏽♀️At this point I am exhausted mentally and emotionally. Should I compromise myself and maybe I can be in a long term relationship?? It has got to a point of psychological torture that has been stressful. Most of my friends are in relationships and do not get me wrong, am happy for them truly! However, seeing them has made me question myself if holding on to my ‘virginity’ that important?? Looking at how people date nowadays it’s always ‘sex’ first then relationship comes after…
Maybe I had reached a desperation point but if a guy approached with intentions of a relationship, was suddenly engrossed with high expectations of that person being the one to accept me wholeheartedly. It was that question so tell me about yourself of which always responded ‘do not be freaked out but honestly am not going to sleep with you so if you can’t deal with that then we will just forget this talk’…. The usual response was always ‘I will wait till you are ready or will take it slow.’ Of course, your girl was getting bare happy that finally I have met someone that understands but the usual pattern started happening all over again:
The calls reduce, the texts become much more less and always come back late. They claim to be very busy. They could go for days without texting or calling. Here and there would pop up claiming to check up on you. Conversation gets awkward🤔
So to protect myself from overreacting or being too emotional, I am always on the lookout of these. As soon as they start, the best way I deal with it is to just Block, Delete and keep it moving. You could ask would it not hurt you? It stings like a bee but in order for my peace of mind to stay intact that’s the best way I can deal with it….
Part 3 will come along as your girl experience…
Thank you for reading lovelies xx
First of all…it’s been hard 🙈
As an African girl, growing up being told that keeping yourself to yourself is the pride of a ‘well-trained’ woman. With that said, so many of my friends got pregnant after losing their virginity of which it’s considered an ’embarrassment or disgrace’. The struggles they went through after being rejected, condemned and losing their peace of mind helped me to maintain my mentality to stay in tact. Throughout my teenage years, of course I would feel the pressure and the temptation was too much at times. When you see people being open about losing their virginity and still living normal lives of course I thought to myself ‘just do it and you will be fine’🤔 But the resolution was quite strong that I never put myself in a position to lose my virginity.
When I eventually settled in another country, my eyes got more opened to more STDS that I never knew existed. In Africa, most common was AIDS obviously but upon reaching here found out that chlamydia is very much at large and can cause serious complications. So I had two things to keep my legs closed more than ever which were ‘teenage pregnancy and STDS’.
However, upon reaching my 20s I looked back at my relationships even though I had good memories, one factor that made them not to work was due to my inability to ‘open these legs’ 😂. Of course I really want to be loved unconditionally but that is just my wishful thinking 💭. Why can’t someone just wait till the right time for me?? That’s the question I have been asking myself and till now have not found the answer….
Watch out for Part 2👌🏽
Thank you for reading my lovelies xx
Life is too short to hold grudges & keep regrets.
You gotta love back the ones who love you, and don’t
let the people who don’t ,hold you back from [(anything)]
You gotta live your life, and forget about the past. Live for
the future. There will be changes, and you just have to go
with the flow. Remember that, and you’ll be fine. Life wont
be easy, its like a climbing a mountain. It will be hard, but
the view will be worth it in the end. Remember that
I have tried my best to be the person you want me to be. I have tried to understand things from your point of view instead. I know it will take time to make things right but am not sure if you want to make it right?
Nobody in this life is perfect, all bound to make mistakes in life however it depends on an individual’ s conscience to either make things right or just keep it moving. If we choose to make things right then it should be of our own free will and not act like its being forced. It is unbearable for only one person to put all the effort in making things right while the other seem half willing. The frustration of putting effort, time and energy in rebuilding a relationship or friendship that seems to be going nowhere can be quite unbearable. Despite thinking of the time spent and memories shared, the reconciliation can never hold if only one person is going all the way in while the other is holding back. Comparing other people in your life to that of one that did you wrong will never comfort you because once upon a time, season; they too shall disappoint you. Even if someone does you wrong today, how are you sure that you would not do something wrong to someone else? If that time ever comes how would you want them to treat you if you do try to make things right? Imagine they treat you the same as you are doing now, how would you feel? Karma is a Bitch they say.
Do not get me wrong of course if someone you trusted and loved does you wrong, it hurts. However, if that person tells you that they want to make things right before you answer yes; think carefully. If you do not want them in your life then let them go at least that is honest enough. If you do decide to make things right, then you equally share the same responsibility of reconciliation. Let us not make empty promises or say empty words all in the name of ‘being nice’. Mean what you say before you end up hurting that very person which will lead to more misunderstandings. A forgiving heart is one that truly sees beyond a person’s mistakes instead sees their heart that is willing to love again.
Thank you for reading lovelies xx
Here i am, thinking about the first time we met..am i too lonely or still in love? Call it confusion or denial but the truth is i miss you but i do not want you back. Since you left me emotionally and i left you physically, its been hard. Always thinking about the future that could have been, the past that was and the present without you. I know you think life has been good on my part but do not let the gram fool you. I sound cold every time you reach out but you have no idea how happy i get even from a ‘hey’…so pathetic aren’t I? My heart always falls for it but the thought of you being my past brings me back to reality. No matter how much we can try to talk, what was will never be! So at times i just comfort myself with memories you left for me and it does make me smile and cry at the same time. I have learned to live with this and it will get easier with time. As much as i miss you, I do not want you back. I just miss the good times you gave me and even the struggles. Even if we move on, it is still going to be our yesterday and story.
Do you guys ever have someone you miss but do not want back in your lives? Thank you for reading xx
At first it was a mistake. The guilt that tortured my soul and crushed my entire being. I managed to survive but I still longed for you. You that I labelled as a mistake of my life. I might have been delusional to reach out to you. My morals ended up losing to pleasure. It was good not going to lie and I wanted more of you each day. But one day, reality slapped me out of my fantasy to a bitter truth. We are simply not compatible!
Once upon a night, alcohol took over blinding reasoning senses. You could call it being ‘drunk’ but you knew what you were doing. You could have stopped it but you enjoyed it. You had energy to ignite the pleasure so don’t say you were weak. You had the night of your life. You woke up confused and scared without knowledge of what you had done. You thought of all the times you have been warned but all that has fallen on deaf ears. You protected your womanhood but at this point you don’t even know if it has gone down the drain. All you can do is cry and put on a brave face so that they won’t judge you. You feel ashamed to even face God but you know that only God can be your comfort. You find out days later, you still have your womanhood but it still bothers you that it could have gone just like that. You don’t know what kind of stranger you would have lost it to. A one night stand that could have destroyed your life….
Thank you for reading xx