Once upon Love

Once upon doong doong…the sound my heart made upon my first glance of you. It was never my intention to fall for you but it was already too late as I could not stop myself from falling. Your smile, your sparkling eyes oh my chwest…that unforgettable moment you crossed my path is one I wish to never forget in this lifetime. I have already loved you for the both of us. Now I just wait to see you even in my dreams that will be enough for me. Meeting you once was like a dream but if fate decides to make us meet again then this time I will not hesitate. Once upon my love that started from a five minute glance to be cherished for a lifetime.

Fear

The most scary thing that can happen in a friendship is when your friend falls in love or gets in a relationship. Almost everything changes from the convo to their attitude/behaviour. Truly love can be cloudy and blind at times. Am sure most of you will agree with me that it’s hard to deal with a friend in a relationship. It is something that is inevitable that we have to face whether we like it or not. It is even worse when you don’t get along with the boyfriend or girlfriend. The mention of their name irritates you to the maximum and your friend will make it the main topic of the whole conversation. When you do complain that they should keep their relationship details to themselves at times, they start thinking you either being jealous or just bitter. When this occurs, you start distancing yourself from your friend. It’s ridiculous I know but staying away could do some good and be beneficial for the both of you. It might look like selfishness or evil but all you just want is for your friend to just be the same person you befriended before they got in a relationship. Most people tend to change when they get in a relationship and end up blaming their ‘single’ friends instead. Life is already full of complex people so the least You expect is for a friend that you have loved and cherished to do a 360 degrees turn on you. You are my friend so stay that way!!!

How do y’all deal with friends that act or behave like this after falling in love??? Thank you for reading xx

Life After Mourning

It’s been many years but it always feels like yesterday. People tend to say time heals all wounds but am thinking like did they mean to say that it takes a whole lifetime. It hurts today just as it did yesterday and it has been 10years already. 

Reminisce: Even if am no longer there or we part, am grateful to God to have loved you in this lifetime.

The last words, that have been buried deep in my heart. To think he was grateful to have loved me not even to have been loved. I wonder if reincarnation is ever possible in this life so I can meet him again. We were young but I feel my soulmate came and left me already. Day by day, I pray to forget you but it seems you already talked to God first before I did. However I will keep living and forgive me in advance and close your eyes if my wedding day ever comes to a pass 🙈. 

It’s still hard to live without you. I know love will never be beautiful as it was when I was with you. I am still waiting for a day that I will get over my sadness and stop drowning in my tears. Missing you is an understatement. 

I hope you keep resting in peace T and know that I am always grateful to God to have loved you in this lifetime.

Thank you for reading xx

Pain

                                                    ‘ mental suffering or distress’

When all that is left after a disappointment of a relationship is Pain. You wonder whether crying at night or pretending to be happy will help you feel better. Always being bitter that you can’t be bothered to go through that process of knowing someone again. Even when you try to be positive but it can never be possible with a negative mind that has marked every guy to be a monster just out to hurt you with lies. If you ever love again, would it be different or will just be deja vu all over again. Even when you try to guard your heart, it seems like there is a manual that every guy you fall in love with reads that they end up hurting you the same way. The trauma of being lied to, ignored, being left out, cheated on etc leaves so many emotions that could possibly kill you.

“Scientific studies have shown that anger could increase your risk of cardiovascular problems and even cause heart attacks. This is because a sudden burst of anger leads to an over-the-top surge of chemicals throughout your body, like adrenaline and noradrenaline. Also, when your are angry your brain’s amygdale overact and causes the blood to rush to the frontal lobe, which is the area in charge of reasoning. This is the reason why anger can be blinding and makes you want to react violently.”

“Surprisingly, loneliness may be just as harmful as a sudden outburst of anger. As it tends to be long-tern condition, a lot like depression, it could even be a risk factor of early death, according to experts. Loneliness increases the levels of stress hormones like cortisol, which affects sleep quality. It can also give rise to your blood pressure levels. ”

“Shock or trauma of any kind can have lasting consequences on both your mind and body. In fact, psychological trauma can even cause changes in the structure of our brain, especially in the area where the frontal cortex. Emotional brains and survival brain converge.”

In life, there is only so much pain that one can take. Imagine losing your life and leaving that person behind, enjoying their life with another girl whom they are probably lying to worse if they are actually sincerely in love. I wonder how one can become numb to pain? Should I try to avoid boys in general or just be petty and hurt others like how i got hurt?

How do you guys deal with this kind of Pain? let me know xx Thank you for reading

 

Reality always wins!

There comes a time in life when you have to face up to reality. You may decide to ignore what’s there and instead live on what could be. Having your own Fantasy, that is so good to be true but reality always hit you so hard at the end of the day. You will try your very best to assure yourself that everything is perfect and you don’t care about anything else. Day to day, you lie to yourself that he/she loves you but reality of the matter, you don’t even know where you stand. Reality always wins!

Thank you for reading xx 

Trying so hard?

You try to call, no answer. You text but all you get is ‘am busy’. You stay silent but it becomes hard when they don’t even bother to communicate with you. You start thinking maybe they forgot you or maybe they just don’t feel the same anymore. You spend time and energy debating whether to call or not and you end up calling but no answer. You decide to break it off, stay strong for a year then out of the blue you hear that ‘incoming text ‘ notification. Now that’s unfair, like you have tried your best all year just when you were finally moving on, they come back telling you those sweet lies you have been waiting all year to hear. Now at this point, it’s back to square one. 

Now I have come to ask myself, ‘Kuda why are you trying so hard?’. Clearly, you are becoming more of a nuisance and sorry to break it to you but don’t you think the love is not there anymore? I mean like if they truly cared, you wouldn’t be having this emotional pain in your life. You know deep down your heart can’t take it, your head is even worse, getting them migraines over someone who is living their life as if you don’t exist. The funny part is you are totally whipped that am tired of talking sense to you. Girl, it’s time you finally wake up from your fantasy and face reality…

Thank you for reading xx comment and like x

Reflect @21

In a few hours I will be 21🤗 so excited!!! 

However, I have been reflecting from last year when I turned 20 and till now when I am about to be 21. It has truly been a journey and it will also be a journey. I have had too many downs that it almost seemed impossible to pull myself up. I cried but I ended up being tired of it. I had a big disappointment when I failed to get into a course I wanted. I was so negative and depressed that I did not know what to do with my life. It was hard to think that I may become a huge failure and embarrass my family. 

God truly is God. There were doors in my life that I never thought they will be opened for me. I got stregth from my family’s prayers and decided to pull myself up and face my future. I got into a course I never thought would be possible but I found out that I may still be able to do the course I wanted after this. Truly some journeys are never travelled through a straight road sometimes you have to go up a mountain, cross rivers, face harsh weather but be able to concur through it all. It may take some time but I know I will get there. 

So Kuda at 20 I would like to say I am sorry for making you pass through such hard times but thank you for pulling through and believing In God. Kuda @21, you are now in university and it’s only the beginning. I don’t know what’s coming your way but always know God is with you and be happy through everything you pass through.

Finally, thank you to those that have been part of this crazy koo koo beyond repair sometimes normal but beautiful girl 😋 I love y’all. Happy Birthday Kuda❤️

Thank you for reading xx